Marriage Or Career
Subhanallah my mind was literally blown away when I listened to the lecture of My Shaykh (Sulaiman Moola) on Marriage Or Career, and my mind began to do some gymnastics (if I may borrow the phrase) and I felt obliged to share his sentiments to the broader Muslim community.
In his introduction to the lecture he said:
It is Wallah no secret that the dominant aspiration in the life of every young man is to ultimately find a suitable spouse and to secure a healthy income, the dilemma however is which one comes first;
Do I get married and then make money or do I study, graduate, do my internship, make my money hopefully I will attract a better fish.
But then the question is; Can I resist the temptation of a woman for such a prolonged period of time? I'm afraid the answer is NO; the chances are strong that I'm going to pursue an illicit relationship during my stay at the campus or at a tertiary institution which will inevitably land itself into a host of evils.
A- I will be miserable because I swear by Allaah everyone in sin is miserable -- there's no exception to it.
B- To sustain the relation I will have to spend money to keep the rhythm going and the bond intact.
C- In the interim, I won't propose elsewhere and my fiancé will decline other proposals because supposedly we are getting married and at at some point more often when it's a prolonged relationship either of the prospective spouse will abruptly terminate the relationship without explanation leaving the other one DEPRESSED if not SUICIDAL.
There's yet a third opinion to counter the dilemma; scenario number:
1- I get married and then start making money
2- I make money and then I settle down.
3- The third one is the intelligent thinker. I get married and my wife and I both work and we make money together. This sounds very appealing but least realizing that in doing so--
If we both get married and work to supplement each other's income, the chances are;
She returns from work equally tired and exhausted as I am. So, there's very little she can do to comfort me after a long day which is one of the fundamental objectives of marriage as the Qur'an emphatically says:
"And among His Signs is this that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them (the object of marriage is to put an end to depression and not to start it), and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." Q30v21 Surah Rum
That when you return home you need to de-stress and this de-stressing will happen when you have a wife with a conducive environment--
So when she returns tired, on the reverse she might expect me to pamper her with a cup of tea in bed and this wallah is the inception of arguments, altercation and verbal skirmishes in the relation.
Now what is the way forward? The way forward lies in Qur'an and Sunnah.
They said: "Love is blind, marriage is an eye opener."
The solution lies in the hadith of our mother Aisha (RA) recorded by Imam Bazzar--The Prophet (Pbuh) Said:
"Get married and Allaah will provide for you."
The scholars of hadith have explained the hadith thus: that if the husband and wife have the common sentiment of helping one another, the husband exerts himself to maximize the income while the wife dedicates herself diligently to the domestic chores and this combination where the husband exerts himself and the wife devotes herself to the domestic chores translates into happiness, bliss, prosperity which is the underline objective of wealth. And this is what is meant by the hadith.
May Allaah give us the ability to be better Muslims and to have the zeal to do what is right and to be focused in life.