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The blame is not on the one who does not accept advice. Rather, it is on the one who presents it inappropriately

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Monday, 25 April 2011

Who is Your Emotional Partner?

Assalamu alaikum. Whatever it is that we are seeing in our societies today  is undoubtedly a clear manifestation of the type of family units that constitute its building block. Little do we know that the choices of who we end up marrying has a profound effect on how we perceive this world and how well we can contribute to the larger society. The world we build around ourselves is a reflection of who our partners are. By getting married, we are not just getting a partner but rather we are getting a whole world. How then do we come about making such choices that some end up saying it is the worst decision they have ever made and some will proudly say it is the best decision of a life time? Well, i guess it all depends on the individual motivating factors.                                      

It is a common knowledge in the circle of Muslims nay the young ones yet to be hooked that the Prophet (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said in a famous hadith related by Abu-Hurairah (RA) that "A woman may be sought for her wealth, her birth, her beauty or he religious character. But do look for the religious women. And if you do it for any other consideration, your hands be rubbed in dirt!" [Bukhari and Muslim]. In other words, the key to a successful marriage is the moral quality of either of the partners and nothing else. Unfortunately, what we see in our societies today is a direct opposite of this Prophetic advice and the result is broken homes, irresponsible husbands and wives, children with zero moral compass and an overall moral decadence in the larger society.

The woman is marrying her husband because of his wealth, position and family lineage while the husband is marrying her because of her beauty and sometimes even her skin color becomes a major deciding factor. Subhanallah! both parties are guilty of being blinded by materialism thereby relegating sound moral and religious quality of a potential partner to the tail end. The result is not contestable, I have practically seen marriages that lasted only few days and this kept me wondering how far we have deviated from the path of Allah. And the object of marriage outlined in Qur'an:30:21  is far from becoming a reality in our lives.
"Among His signs is the fact that He has created spouses from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility with them; and He has put love and mercy between you. In that are signs for people who reflect."

Are we really among those that reflect? Marriage in our societies today is seen as a competition between friends and foes. And the satanic challenges come in the following way; what type of wedding attire will I wear, what is the social status of my potential partner, what type of dinner will I organize and it keeps recurring until either of the parties is overburdened and Allah eventually removes blessings in the marriage even before it is consummated. 

Most men today are ignorant of their responsibilities as husbands, they are only interested in satisfying their lusts. They hardly find time to have meaningful discussions with their wives not to even talk of raising up their children in an Islamic manner. The simple reason being that he is fully convinced that she married him only for material gains. Have we really taken our time to study the social life of our Master (SAW)? How emotional and romantic he was to his honorable consorts is not far-fetched from us only if we care to know.

The women are interested in living in mansions, driving around in exclusive cars and traveling round the world even when the husband is completely immoral and ignorant about the basic knowledge of Islam. All she cares about is the luxury not her spiritual well-being and in most cases she ends up depressed even in the midst of luxury.

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behavior, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society.

Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to stupid “play-boy” types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behavior is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man. Allah says in Surah Nur: 26: "Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity...."

The best gift is that of an upright partner whose love and caring nature will be the means of attaining Jannah not the one that knows little about Allah and always occupies himself or herself with worldly passions. As my good friend would say; "marriage is not a competition" but rather a fulfillment of divine injunction which must satisfy divine provisions from its inception to end. 

May All bless us with partners that will make our stay in this world and 'akhir' (hereafter) a memorable one and not the ones that will make us grow white hair before our age.