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The blame is not on the one who does not accept advice. Rather, it is on the one who presents it inappropriately

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Wednesday, 2 November 2011

the flip side of the coin: Where are the real husbands of today?

With all sense of humility, it can safely be said that a good number of our learned men focus more on the failure of women as house wives compared to the roles of husbands as the architect of the family. In my little intellectual discussions with some women regarding the above issue, I came to a personal conclusion that most women are always on the defensive as far as marital issues are concerned and this could grossly be attributed to the fact that in most marital eclipse, the society tends to apportion most of the blames to the wives. But alas! Marriage is not an exclusively independent affair to any of the partners, nay; it is an inter-dependent institution where each party plays an important role to keep the marriage rolling.

I heard an amazing statement that we are worried about the wedding and seldom do we worry about the marriage, for the wedding is one day and the marriage is for life. I want to approach my sentiments from a different perspective and that is: where are the real husbands of today? I travel through the world of our social sphere and I was astonished at what was obtainable. The rate of divorce in our societies today is unprecedented in the history of our nations, perhaps! Partly because the men have failed in discharging their responsibilities as sincere husbands.

When I see how some young innocent sisters are being treated without respect by their respective husbands, my heart cries out and asks: where are the real husbands of today? I’m afraid; they have long being buried beneath the earth. Is it not in the life of our pious predecessors that the best couples where witnessed? Our Master (saw) would engage himself in household chores whenever he is with his honorable consorts, he would race with his wife Aisha (RA), eat from the same plate with her and he would even take his bath with his wives. Was it not in our legacy that the likes of Ja’afar bin Abi Talib (RA) was a best husband to his wife Asma’ bint Umays (RA) and Abul As Ar-Rabi who married Zainab the daughter of Rasulullah (saw) was favored with a positive statement by the Prophet (saw) as a loyal son in-law?.

What is the condition of the husbands of today? The husbands of today are nothing but men full of wishful thinking. We have men driven by lust as opposed to the real love which is the driving force behind every successful marriage. We have ignorant men who I can swear on a stacks of Qur’an that know very little about the mutuality involved in marriage otherwise known as marital inter-dependence (my words). We have men who only excel materially but by Allah! They have little or no knowledge about Allah’s rights. And I ask: how do you expect such men to respect a woman’s rights as enshrined in the Shariah?
We have men who take their wives to be merely sex machines and child producing factory (apologies to my sisters) and as a result think them to be disposable. Subhanallah! We have men who abuse their gaze more than anything else, so how do you expect them to appreciate their lawful wives who sit patiently and innocently waiting for them at home? We have men who prefer beauty over character so how do you expect them to be loyal for they always see beauty whenever they exit from their homes.

We have men who have lost touch with the respect Allah accords to women as our partners. Only when we appreciate the position Allah has given them as our partners then we will realize that we are to take vital and even trivial decisions together with them, we are to share everything together, a man is to conceal his wife’s secrets and not to expose them (same goes for the woman) and that she is not to be treated as a slave but as an honorable partner and a best friend indeed.

How many of the husbands of today are exposed to these harsh realities and even when they know, how many households have actually served as a role model for the yet to and the newlyweds? How many men eat from the same plate with their wives regardless of age? How many men pamper their wives with the most emotional words after marriage? How many men really know that making your wife happy in line with the Shari ah is enough acts to enter them in to Jannah (Paradise)?


So our men are as culpable as the women or even more when it comes to marital issues. Above all, most men do lie a lot before marriage because they foolishly believe that the only way to appease the woman of their choice is by putting up a fake image of success and sufficient wealth. The result is a burdened marital life with many expectations and if the man fails as a result of his lies, he tends to develop hatred for the innocent woman and this could result in a failure of him to properly take good care of his wife.
At this juncture, I would like to say that the only way out of this quagmire is for men to learn more about the marriage among the Companions (RA) of our Master (saw) and to ask a lot on the rights of women as wives and above all be sincere and truthful for the truth sets us free. May Allah give us partners that will make our stay in this world and the Hereafter a blessing.